I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
