Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And then he peed in my hair
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
