I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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