i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
false alarm. still invincible.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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