Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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