2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
