please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
