did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
