Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
