Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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