but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
