It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize