weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize