Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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