So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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