i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
