You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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