Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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