Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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