You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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