I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
