Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
