"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
