I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
