i can't believe i had my finger in that
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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