i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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