Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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