Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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