for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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