I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
