yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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