How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
