Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize