Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
