I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
