I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
