In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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