here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
