You smell like a Billy Joel song
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize