How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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