put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
