@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
