I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
