I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
