Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
babies were throwing up all over the place
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
