The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
