U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
