You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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