I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
