What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
