I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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