Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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