Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
