Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
