I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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