I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
