no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize