somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
